I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
