im about as happy as oj after his trial
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
