Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just found puke in my bra..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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