well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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