In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
