Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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