I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
