Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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