It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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