Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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