I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
