my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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