I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
