i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize