Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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