i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
