I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have tasted many bathrooms
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
