69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
