You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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