I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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