the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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