Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
