Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
