He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you never un-have a 4some
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
