Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I didn't shave. On purpose
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
