Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ladies don't puke and tell
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
