thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
