I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
