Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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