Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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