so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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