its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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