I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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