I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
