awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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