i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
