just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wear drunk well.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
