Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
