when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
