No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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