His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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