I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
