What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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