literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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