uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
