You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm really busy with my period
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