I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
