We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
