There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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