I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
