too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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