and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
