Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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