lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she pinky promised me she was 18
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
