Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
