do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
