if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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