Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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