I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
