I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
