the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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