So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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