You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
