R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
