Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
