So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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