And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
