And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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