My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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