So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
