Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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