come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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