went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Come on in and take your pants off
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