he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well I just put wine in my tea
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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