My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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