Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
