I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
