Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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